Life is one cruel hop from the cradle to the grave. For each piece of heaven that I have been given, I must always suffer a bit of hell in return.
Perhaps being bored makes me dramatic, or I just enjoy writing dramatic thoughts, more like both I think. As of late I have been thinking about death. I’m not even that old in years yet, but I have come to grips with just how short life is. I am mortal, and could leave this life at any moment. This instant, tomorrow, the next day, it is an ever hungry beast waiting outside my door. Yet I do not fear it, for I understand and accept that death is the end of all things. I will always fight to survive, I will never give up my life easily, but when the time is finally up I will go willingly, and even be anxious for that final experience we face in life.
I don’t want to die in a hospital, or inside if it can be helped. I would hope that I die outside, peacefully or at least well. If I were to be struck down in my house or indoors and had any strength left in me, I would do everything I could to get outside and die beneath the open sky. I want a good death, and I suppose everyone wishes for a good death. To me a good death would be a quick, painless death, or at least just quick. Maybe a moment to understand that my time has come, but I do not want to lay in a bed surrounded by family waiting for me to finally die. I had my time with them in life, but death is my journey and I wish to take it alone. That to me would be a good death.
Now granted I speak and think of death, this is true, but I do not wish for it. I simply have accepted that I will and must die. This reinforces that fact that I have only one life to live, and must do what I can with it. This has led me to thoughts of what legacy I am leaving behind. Do I have a legacy to speak of yet? Some family will do my memory honor, but that will die with them. I have had an impact on the lives of a few people perhaps, but probably nothing very profound. Seems to me I must have children, write provoking literature, or do something that otherwise makes my name worth remembering. If I must die, I could die at peace…but I would regret that I meant so little to so few. Perhaps if I do live longer I can either forge a legacy or perhaps in death I will see what sort of legacy I have already made. I may find that the little things I have done are more important than trying to become great. That by not becoming great I had a more profound impact. I only what to feel that I mattered, that I did not exist and fight for nothing. Most people do have children and leave a lasting legacy through them. They may be good parents, and good parents will raise good children who will be good parents to their kids, and the cycle continues. God knows we need more good people in the world. So I do think parenting is a worthwhile legacy to devote yourself to. What are we then if not flesh and blood, to give our love and devotion to another and birth children to carry on small parts of our genetic legacy. To teach our values and lessons to our children so that generations later, despite being long gone, part of who we were will live on.