Basically, I’ve been bored and kind of blue this week…or weekend…I’ve lost track of time, I only know when I’m suppose to go to work. Back to what I was saying, I have not posted anything lately and I don’t want to slack off again, so I am going to try to make something up. I have not had any motivation to do anything, so I feel like if I force myself to do something it might help. So yeah…I have been working as a lifeguard and mowing grass and changing light bulbs for Anson County. I’ve been avoiding my wonderful bottle of Kraken rum, as it could be the cause of my current blue funk? Maybe not, I’ve only had a couple mixed drinks over the course of a week…Yeah, I guess it isn’t, but still I don’t want to be drinking because I feel down, I want to drink because I feel like having a drink, not because I am bored/depressed. Well that’s 162 words of talking to myself, I think that almost counts as a post. I had some lofty thoughts I had thought about sharing…but a lot of it was either hateful or really deep and like the rum, I would like to avoid that for now. Okay, I guess I can crack open one egg, since most people have figured this out anyway, and I would feel better having released some of my feelings.
I really hate the bible belt.
I’m not an atheist (yet) but I have pretty much renounced every bit of my faith that I grew up with, and at one point was very devout and passionate about. Hell, I wanted to be a missionary, that was my calling in life at age 16. Perhaps I should have stayed on that path haha. I mean it would have been quite a life to lead, and even if everything you believed was rubbish, at least you did something with your life you thought was meaningful. Also on that note, most of the work missionaries do (at least that I know of) does have a positive effect on peoples lives. The same could be said for America, and I do say COULD with much emphasis. Because I do hate the bible belt, and all these hypocrites, fanatics, and outright morons. I hate the church, and I think we could do without quite a few of them. I left the faith partly because of the people, and partly because I did not want to be a hypocrite. I do not agree with everything in the bible…I do not think that god is all that perfect, considering that he shows many of the traits that we humans are not allowed to have like anger, pride, jealousy, oh and lets not forget, genocide. Perhaps I am being quick to judge; but that is for me and god to work out I suppose. So yeah, I tried very hard to follow the word and do what I was suppose to do, I really got quite passionate about that stuff, but…I had doubts, I had questions, and the church hates those things. So I said enough is enough, and honestly, I have been much happier for it. I like sleeping in on Sundays, and I like being able to live in a way that makes me happy without worrying about things.
In many ways, I am comforted by the fact that there could not be an afterlife. It makes this life that much more precious, and it is soothing to me that once I die, I am dead. That is it, everything will finally fade to black and be over. And if I am wrong? Oh well, guess that is part of the journey. I will not live in fear and misery over something imaginary. I will live in a way that makes me a healthy and happy person, and live in a way that contributes to the well being of other people and the continuation of our species.
To each their own.